Despite my breakdown of emotions last night I surprisingly woke up with joy in my heart. Just finished Mass and that verse is still playing in my heart and head “I rejoiced when I heard they say, ‘let us go to God’s house!’” Emotions are always fleeting but I’m gonna be grateful for this peace I feel.
Somehow, God has his ways of reminding us of things forgotten. He speaks softly to the human heart things that the human mind often don’t understand. After all the heart is then place that he communes with us. I wish everyday could be like this, but when the emotions fade then it’s up to me to remember his love for me.
Poor and fragile children we are, so in need of the Father’s love. He makes all things beautiful in his time. I’m going to take this day joyfully, clean the room, get organised, maybe bang the piano for awhile. Just let go.
Fuck. I’m falling again. And it’s not pretty. I’m tired of saying that in tired and tired of feeling tired. When on earth will what I have is more than enough. I admit, I want to feel the warmth of someone’s body against me while I read or just chat. I want to feel the head on my lap. I want to feel the fingers crossing mine as we walk or just sit. I’ve not had that in such a long time and it sickens me to see other people having it while I can’t. This is not a time to spiritualize things neither is it a time to rationalise. These are my raw emotions and as much as I’m ashamed of it even when I know I shouldn’t, I feel like screaming it out. Will anyone notice? They’re too busy with their own problems, why should they?